THE TALE OF DALE

Early Life

I was born on July 11th, 1953, and it took me about 2 years before I realized my talent for destroying the Lord's creations. My earliest tools were my hands and my mouth. At age 3 I added a Playskool mallet to my arsenal, augmenting, but not replacing, my primary toolset.

The Calling

I held a few jobs in high school: paperboy, lawn care expert, NRA secretary, paperboy, gas station clerk, paperboy, paperboy. But I felt like my passion and talents were being squandered. One day, as I was finishing a pack of Manitoba cigarettes, I noticed that the smoke I had been exhaling out my window had leaked into my ant farm, and consequently all of them had suffocated. With the rush of this newfound power came the spark of an idea.

Dale's Dead Bug

I opened the doors on Dale's Dead Bug in the Spring of 1975. I wasn't sure of myself at first, but over the years, I have honed my technique, masterfully mixing my own poisons and antidotes to said poisons. For animals with brains or lungs larger than my own, I keep a variety of traps and high caliber bullets. I never turn down a job, and I'm always prepared. Shi-Shi-Shaaaaaaa!